Crack Adventures at Hogwarts
by DMGeorge
Summary: Very, very, very random. Don't read if easily offended.


Snape was concocting various potions, when Hagrid walked in. " Where did you put my dragon?" Snape was confused.

Dumbledore started singing down the hallway. "La, la, la, la, la. Look, balloons."

"What the Merlin?" said Hagrid.

"Balloons," said Dumbledore.

"My poor little dragon. He's lost and scared." Dumbledore gasped and said that the balloons would be the answer to his plight.

"Everyone, it's nakie time!" said Dumbledore and ripped off his robe. "And I want everyone's socks for my sock collection!"

Hagrid said, "Yay! I loves nakie time!" He took off his clothes. When he got to his knickers, Snape fainted out of pure disgust. They were pink lacy panties with white frill and little panda bears on the butt cheeks. He gave his socks to Dumbledore who happily accepted them. Then the two skipped off back down the hallway where many students either fainted, threw up, or went insane.

Several hours later, Snape woke up to find that his classes from the rest of the day had sexually assaulted him and vandalized his person. "Ugh, my penis hurts."

"Tiptoe through the tulips," sang Dumbledore past the chambers. Snape ran after him. When Snape caught up to him he called him old wrinkle cock and Dumbledore kicked Snape in his balolos.

"Ow, my balolos!" cried Snape. He grabbed them and fell over. Dumbledore then skipped back down the hallway.

Filch came around the corner. "What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"Your so called headmaster just kicked me in my balolos."

"Did you want me to make them all better?" asked Filch.

"No thanks," said Snape, "I'd rather fix them myself."

Ginny Weasly was nearby and had heard the conversation. She ran up to the men and basically professed her lust for Snape by purring, "I'll fix them for you Professor…"

Snape was intrigued by the offer and decided to take her up on it because he hadn't gotten any in a while. Plus there was a bonus. This occurrence would emotionally hurt Potter since everyone knew that he had the biggest crush ever on Ginny. Snape cackled. He took her back into his chambers and thrust into her, but shrieked out in pain.

"What's wrong?" asked Ginny with concern.

"My balolos are throbbing."

"That's ok," said Ginny, "maybe some other time."

Hagrid came back into the chamber. "I found my Rufus, he was sleeping back in the hut. I think he needs a mate though. Rufus is horny."

That night Snape was having wet dreams about Ginny. Meanwhile, Rufus flew up to Hogwarts and snuck into the teachers dormitories. There he found Professor McGonagall sound asleep. He thrust his scaly cock into her. "My word," she gasped. While the dragon did McGonagall, Harry and Ron were fondling each other in their sleep and Hermione was masturbating . When McGonagall woke up the next morning, she wondered why she was so sore. _Must be Filch_, she thought. _Probably raped me again in my sleep_. He always did when he knew that she was drunk.

Classes had begun. Ron was worried about Ginny, he didn't know where she was. Well, she was just having a good fucking time with Snape, I mean literally. Snape was pounding the beaver. Snape loved beavers, they were his favorite animal.

Filch was licking his cat down in the basement. "Oh, pussy, yum yum." Up in the tower professor Trelawney was predicting what was in Dumbledore's crystal ball. She was trying to move up. Any time you need a reading, just show up.

Hermione didn't think about anything else except masturbating. She was caught many times masturbating in her classes, and some of the professors wondered why there was a strange substance on many of her parchments. Once she used the tip of a broomstick to penetrate herself. She failed that year at Hogwarts. Everyone changed. McGonagall was a drunk. Filch was a bestiality maniac, Dumbledore smoked way too much pot, which explains his weird singing. Snape was a ravaging fag who had sore balolos. Hermione didn't give a fuck, except for pleasuring herself, and Ron and Harry fucked each other up the ass each night.And as for Hagrid well, he loved watching McGonagall undress every night. He would masturbate to it and when he came he could fill up a large glass. Then he would force some unlucky student, who had wronged him to drink it. One day Snape gave him a hard time so he tied Snape up and force fed it to him. But Snape liked it since he was a ravaging fag.  
Every once in a while Dumbledore would show up and offer joints at his meetings. When there were meetings. Once Dumbledore got the munchies and ate an entire feast, then barfed throughout the castle. Then he collapsed and his second joint that he lit almost burnt down Hogwarts. Cornelius Fudge found out about all the wrongdoings at Hogwarts, and didn't know what to do. Everyone had changed and no one gave a fuck about anything anymore. So he just joined in and they all had an orgy.

Hogwarts castle was filled with moaning. Moaning echoed throughout the hallways and come had spritzed all over the walls. Filch was pissed, even though he and his cat were involved in the orgy. "I ain't gonna clean up this motherfucking mess, you cocksucking douchebags." He stormed out into the night.

"Fuck him," said Dumbledore. "The most important thing is that we are all together on this joyous occasions, and that many of our first years have lost their virginity, and some of you sluts have already, but I will not mention any names."

"I've got to shit," said Neville.

"So shit!" someone yelled.

"The toilets are all leaky," said Neville. Dumbledore told Neville that he should just shit on the floor and that filch would probably clean it up after he got over his hissy fit. Neville's diarrhea laid on the floor for a week before someone finally decided to clean it up. Hogwarts got so bad that no one even bothered to get dressed anymore. Snape always made fun of Dumbledore's penis, but Dumbledore would always quiet him but threatening to kick him in his balolos, either that or doing it. One day though and Dumbledore was giving a speech on a new spell, that allowed the user to fuck himself, his cock just shriveled up and fell off.

"Ha, Ha, Ha!" laughed Snape. All of a sudden Snape fell to the ground, and a giant scissors flew toward him and cut his penis off. "OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"At least mine had a use," said Dumbledore. "I've fucked everyone at least twice at this place before it fell off."

Hagrid dropped from the ceiling, where he was filming everything. "I'm going to send this to the muggles, we could be rich. We can call it. School of Fucks, or Magical Orgy."

"Good idea Hagrid, I always knew you were good for something," Dumbledore said as he praised Hagrid. Blood was spewing all over from Snape's dick stump. All of a sudden Snape made hundreds of candles appear. "It is now time to clean up some of this mess." ( don't know what the candles have to do with this, but fuck it , who cares) Dumbledore farted. "Buttgas!" he yelled. Then they all had a farting contest. They didn't bother to clean. They all collapsed and slept. While everyone else was asleep, Filch came back and peed on Hermione, and then stuck some broomsticks in people's cracks.

When morning came Neville pulled out the broomstick, but was horrified that he now had splinters in his asshole. Madame Pomfrey had to pull them out with her teeth. "Now my wonderfully fat child, if you could please satisfy my lust. I've been locked away in here ever since I can remember. I crave the penis." Neville didn't care, all morals were lost this year.

It was almost time for broomstick lessons, in which they learned how to use broomsticks in inappropriate ways. Hermione would put on shows for the school, when she would pole dance with the broom. Well, you could call it broom dance. She loved to feel the broom brush up against her hairs. It always went well, Dumbledore often shouted, "200 points for Gryffindor!" She had only one bad experience with this. One time she got splinters in her pussy, so Madame Pomfrey had to pull them out with her teeth. She also had to inspect her nipples to make sure the piercings hadn't been infected. Yes, Hermione magically had her nipples pierced. The rings had a penis dangling from them. Well, on this subject, Hermione also had a tattoo on her labia that said 'Forever Snape's. Snape had done it himself.

But Snape seemed to be in a nasty ass mood since Dumbledore magically cut his balolos of. He vowed to get the old son of a bitch back. But how, since Dumbledore's balls were already gone? "FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO? I'M GOING INSANE! INSANE I TELL YOU! IT'S ALL THE SQUIRELLS! DUMBLEDORE SENT THEM AFTER ME!" He just didn't want to live anymore if he couldn't have his balls. He wrote a suicide note to Hogwarts and vowed to curse Dumbledore now and for eternity. He signed it, "SEE YOU ALL IN HELL. SINCERELY, THE COCKLESS WONDER, SNAPE. P.S FUCK YOU SHRIVEL DICK!" He ran up to the highest tower of the castle and hung himself. They didn't find him until a week later, when Hagrid was spying on McGonagall. They threw his body into the forbidden forest and let it rot. Legends began that Snape's rotting corpse roamed the Hogwarts halls at night yelling, "I WANT MY DICK!"

Snape obviously never got his penis back, Dumbledore used it as a dildo. And everyone enjoyed their moral free Hogwarts for years to come


End file.
